Have you ever received a suspicious text message from an unknown number, claiming you’ve won a prize or that your bank account is in trouble?

You’re not alone.

Text message scams are on the rise, with the FTC reporting, over 377,000 fraud reports involving text messages in 2022, resulting in losses of $330 million.

But here’s the thing:

While it’s crucial to stay vigilant and protect yourself from scams, sometimes a little humor can go a long way in dealing with these pesky fraudsters.

That’s why we’ve compiled this comprehensive guide of 100 funny things to say to scammer texts. Not only will these responses help you turn the tables on scammers, but they might just give you a good laugh in the process.

In this post, you’ll discover:

– Why humor can be an effective tool against scammers
– 100 hilarious responses categorized by scam type
– Tips for staying safe while having fun with scammers
– Real-life examples of people who outsmarted scammers with wit

Let’s dive in.

Why Use Humor Against Scammers?

Before we jump into our list of witty responses, let’s talk about why humor can be an effective tool against scammers:

1. It throws them off guard: Scammers expect fear, confusion, or compliance. A humorous response can disrupt their script and make them less likely to pursue you as a target.

2. It wastes their time: By engaging scammers with funny responses, you’re occupying their time, potentially saving others from falling victim to their schemes.

3. It empowers you: Instead of feeling victimized, you take control of the situation by turning it into a source of amusement.

4. It raises awareness: Sharing your humorous exchanges can help educate others about scam tactics in an entertaining way.

Now, let’s get to the good stuff – 100 funny things to say to scammer texts!

100 Funny Responses to Scammer Texts

We’ve organized these responses into categories based on common scam types. Feel free to mix and match or adapt them to fit your situation!

General Scam Responses

1. “I’m sorry, but I only respond to scams on Tuesdays. Please try again next week.”

2. “Congratulations! You’ve reached the Scam Appreciation Hotline. Press 1 for a complimentary eye roll, 2 for a sarcastic slow clap, or 3 to hear the sound of your dignity flushing down the toilet.”

3. “I’m currently in a committed relationship with another scammer. I hope you understand.”

4. “Your scam attempt has been added to my collection. It’s currently ranked #37 out of 100. Better luck next time!”

5. “I’m actually a Nigerian prince myself. Perhaps we can combine our fortunes?”

6. “Sorry, I can’t respond right now. I’m busy inventing a time machine to go back and uninvent text messaging.”

7. “Wow, what a coincidence! I was just about to text you the exact same scam. Great minds think alike, huh?”

8. “I’d love to help, but all my money is currently tied up in a very promising bridge investment.”

9. “You’ve reached the Scam Prevention Hotline. How may we assist you in improving your fraudulent techniques today?”

10. “I’m flattered, but I only fall for scams with proper grammar and punctuation. Please try again after taking an English course.”

11. “Your scam has been selected for our annual ‘Worst Scam Attempts’ awards. Please hold for further instructions on how to collect your participation trophy.”

12. “I’m sorry, but my personal assistant, Siri, handles all my scam-related inquiries. Have you tried texting her instead?”

13. “Congratulations! You’ve unlocked the ‘Persistent Scammer’ achievement. Your prize is absolutely nothing.”

14. “I’m currently on a scam-free diet. Please check back in never.”

15. “Your message has been forwarded to Santa Claus for review. He’ll determine if you’ve been naughty or nice.”

16. “I’m sorry, but I only communicate via carrier pigeon. Please send your scam attempt via bird mail.”

17. “Your scam attempt has been rated 2/10 stars on Yelp. Would you like to appeal this rating?”

18. “Thank you for subscribing to Cat Facts! Did you know that cats spend 70% of their lives sleeping? Reply STOP to unsubscribe.”

19. “I’m running a special promotion: The first scammer to admit they’re a scammer gets my life savings! Are you feeling lucky?”

20. “Your scam has been selected for our new reality TV show, ‘So You Think You Can Scam?’ Please sign the attached waiver.”

Lottery/Prize Scam Responses

21. “Wow, I won? That’s amazing, considering I never entered any lottery. I must be the luckiest person alive!”

22. “I’m sorry, but I only accept prizes in the form of expired coupons and belly button lint. Do you offer those options?”

23. “Fantastic news! I’ll use my winnings to fund my dream of opening a school for underprivileged scammers. You’re invited to enroll!”

24. “I won? Great! I’ll add it to my collection of Nigerian prince inheritances and extended car warranties.”

25. “Can I trade my prize for a lifetime supply of spam emails instead? I find them more entertaining.”

26. “Wonderful! I assume my prize will be delivered by a unicorn riding a rainbow, right?”

27. “I’m honored, truly. Quick question: Does this prize come with a complementary tin foil hat, or do I need to supply my own?”

28. “Incredible! Is this the same lottery that the tooth fairy and Easter bunny co-sponsor?”

29. “Amazing news! I’ll use my winnings to buy a star and name it after you: ‘Scammy McScamface.'”

30. “Fantastic! Can I receive my prize in Monopoly money? It’s the only currency I trust.”

31. “Wonderful! I assume the prize ceremony will be held in Narnia? I’ll start packing my wardrobe.”

32. “Exciting! Does this mean I finally get to meet Publisher’s Clearing House in person? I’ve always wanted to hug that giant check!”

33. “Remarkable! I’ll use my winnings to fund research into a cure for gullibility. You’ll be my first test subject!”

34. “Splendid! I hope the prize includes a time machine so I can go back and warn myself about this conversation.”

35. “Fantastic! I’ll donate my winnings to the ‘Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Gullible People.’ Every little bit helps!”

36. “Incredible! Is the prize delivered by owl, like in Harry Potter? I’ve always wanted a pet owl!”

37. “Amazing! I’ll use my winnings to buy the world’s largest magnifying glass. You know, to read the fine print on future scams.”

38. “Wonderful news! I assume the prize includes a personal assistant to help me respond to all these lucky lottery wins I keep getting?”

39. “Fantastic! Can I trade my prize for singing lessons? I’ve always wanted to pursue my dream of becoming a yodeling sensation.”

40. “Incredible! I’ll use my winnings to build a museum dedicated to the art of scamming. You’ll be the star exhibit!”

Bank Scam Responses

41. “Oh no, my account is in trouble? That’s weird, I thought I closed all my accounts at the Bank of Imagination years ago.”

42. “I’m sorry, but I only bank with the First National Bank of Monopoly. Do you accept colorful paper money?”

43. “Account issues? No problem! My pet goldfish handles all my financial matters. I’ll have him give you a call.”

44. “Banking emergency? Perfect timing! I was just about to convert all my money into bottle caps for the post-apocalyptic economy.”

45. “Account frozen? That’s impossible. I keep all my money in a shoe box under my bed, guarded by a very territorial hamster.”

46. “Security alert? Don’t worry, I recently upgraded my account with military-grade protection. It’s called ‘being broke.'”

47. “Account compromised? Joke’s on you – I compromised it myself by spending all my money on magic beans!”

48. “Banking issue? I’m flattered you think I have enough money for that to be a concern. Can I interest you in some dryer lint instead?”

49. “Account blocked? That’s strange, I thought my psychic warned me about this last week. Oh wait, that was just indigestion.”

50. “Suspicious activity? Must be all those yacht purchases and caviar deliveries. Or wait, was that my neighbor’s account?”

51. “Account in danger? No worries, I recently converted all my assets into invisible cryptocurrency. You can’t hack what you can’t see!”

52. “Banking alert? I’m impressed you managed to contact me through my tin foil-lined, electromagnetically shielded bunker. Are you a wizard?”

53. “Account issues? I’m afraid you’ll have to take that up with my financial advisor, Mr. Monopoly. He’s very particular about his top hat.”

54. “Security breach? Impossible! I’ve encrypted all my finances using an ancient alien language. Even I can’t access them now.”

55. “Banking emergency? I’m sorry, but I only conduct financial transactions via interpretive dance. Shall we tango?”

56. “Account problems? That’s odd, I thought I fixed everything by blowing on the ATM card and putting it back in, like an old Nintendo game.”

57. “Suspicious activity? Must be all those purchases at the Acme Anvil Company. I’m trying to catch a very persistent roadrunner.”

58. “Account locked? No problem, I’ll just use my spare key. It’s hidden under the digital doormat, right next to the virtual garden gnome.”

59. “Banking issue? I’m afraid all my assets are currently tied up in a very promising beanie baby investment. Check back in 20 years?”

60. “Security alert? Don’t worry, I’ve hired a team of highly trained squirrels to guard my acorn… I mean, account. They work for nuts!”

Romance Scam Responses

61. “I’m flattered, but I’m already in a committed relationship with my collection of house plants. They’re very demanding.”

62. “Love at first text? I’m impressed! Usually, it takes at least three typos before I fall head over heels.”

63. “Soulmate found? Fantastic! Quick question: How do you feel about my collection of life-size cardboard cutouts of Nicolas Cage?”

64. “A match made in heaven? I agree! But first, let me consult my magic 8-ball to confirm our compatibility.”

65. “True love via text? Amazing! But I should warn you, I have a strict policy of only dating people who can defeat me in a thumb war.”

66. “Romance in the air? Wonderful! But full disclosure: I’m actually three raccoons in a trench coat. Hope that’s not a deal-breaker!”

67. “Destined to be together? Exciting! Quick question: How do you feel about spending our first date hunting for Bigfoot?”

68. “Love at long last? Thrilling! But I must know: Can you match my passion for competitive sandwich making?”

69. “Cupid’s arrow strikes again? Marvelous! But first, we need to determine if our star signs are compatible. I’m a Narwhal rising.”

70. “Romantic connection established? Splendid! But I should mention, I only communicate in interpretive dance and yodeling.”

71. “Soulmates united? Fantastic! But full disclosure: I’m on a quest to become the world’s leading expert in banana peel physics.”

72. “Love blooming? Wonderful! But I must ask: How do you feel about my dream of becoming a professional bubblewrap popper?”

73. “Romance in the digital age? Exciting! But fair warning: My last relationship ended because I couldn’t stop talking in movie quotes.”

74. “True love texting? Amazing! But I should mention, I’m currently training to become the first astronaut on Mars. Long-distance okay?”

75. “Destined lovers connected? Thrilling! But I must know: Can you match my enthusiasm for extreme ironing competitions?”

76. “Romantic spark ignited? Fantastic! But full disclosure: I’m in a committed relationship with my collection of vintage spoons.”

77. “Love at first message? Wonderful! Quick question: How do you feel about my lifelong dream of becoming a professional cheese roller?”

78. “Soulmate located? Exciting! But I should warn you, I have a tendency to burst into spontaneous opera singing. Hope that’s not an issue!”

79. “Digital romance kindled? Marvelous! But first, we need to discuss your stance on the great pineapple-on-pizza debate. It’s a dealbreaker.”

80. “Love in the time of texting? Splendid! But I must ask: Are you prepared to support my goal of breaking the world record for longest continuous hopscotch game?”

Tech Support Scam Responses

81. “Computer virus? Impossible! I’ve lined my laptop with garlic and wear a necklace of floppy disks for protection.”

82. “Technical issues? Have you tried turning it off and on again? If that doesn’t work, try sacrificing a rubber chicken to the IT gods.”

83. “Software problem? No worries, I recently upgraded my system to run on potato power. It’s very eco-friendly!”

84. “Security breach? That’s strange, I thought my firewall of actual fire would keep all intruders out. Do you smell smoke?”

85. “System alert? Impossible! I’ve trained my cat to swat away any suspicious pop-ups. She’s very diligent, despite the catnip breaks.”

86. “Tech emergency? Don’t panic! I’ve got this covered – I’ll just blow into the computer like it’s an old Nintendo cartridge.”

87. “Malware detected? No problem! I’ll just ask my tech-savvy grandma to fix it. She’s great with her abacus!”

88. “Urgent update needed? Perfect timing! I was just about to downgrade my system to an etch-a-sketch for better security.”

89. “Computer infection? Impossible! I’ve been feeding it vitamin C and chicken soup. It should have a strong immune system by now.”

90. “Critical error? Don’t worry, I speak fluent binary. Let me just have a quick chat with my motherboard.”

91. “System vulnerability? No worries, I’ve fortified my computer with a moat filled with digital crocodiles. They bite megabytes!”

92. “Software glitch? I’ve got this! I’ll just give my computer a stern talking-to. It usually straightens up after a good lecture.”

93. “Hacking attempt? Joke’s on them – all they’ll find is my extensive collection of cat memes and half-finished novels.”

94. “Tech support needed? Great! I’ve been meaning to test out my new psychic IT hotline. Let me grab my crystal ball and tarot cards.”

95. “System meltdown? No problem! I’ll just put my computer in the freezer for a bit. That should cool things down.”

96. “Data corruption? Impossible! I’ve been feeding my hard drive a steady diet of alphabits cereal. It should be very literate by now.”

97. “Urgent driver update? No need! My computer runs on good old-fashioned horsepower. I’ll just give it an extra carrot.”

98. “Firewall breach? Don’t worry, I’ve reinforced it with a wall of actual fire. It’s very effective, albeit a bit toasty in here.”

99. “System optimization required? Perfect! I was just about to start my computer’s CrossFit regimen. It’ll be in top shape in no time.”

100. “Critical error? No problem! I’ll just perform the sacred ritual of ctrl+alt+delete while standing on one foot and humming the ‘Macarena’.”

Safety Tips for Engaging with Scammers

While it can be entertaining to mess with scammers, it’s crucial to prioritize your safety and security. Here are some important tips to keep in mind:

1. Never share personal information: No matter how funny your responses are, never give out sensitive data like bank details, Social Security numbers, or passwords.

2. Don’t click on links or download attachments: These could contain malware or lead to phishing sites.

3. Use a separate phone number or email: If you choose to engage with scammers, consider using a Google Voice number or a separate email address to protect your primary contact information.

4. Report the scam: After you’ve had your fun, report the scammer to the appropriate authorities, such as the FTC or your local law enforcement.

5. Be aware of escalation: Some scammers may become aggressive or threatening if they realize you’re playing with them. Be prepared to block and disengage if necessary.

6. Educate others: Share your experiences (and funny responses) with friends and family to help them recognize and avoid scams.

Real-Life Examples of Scammer Takedowns

Sometimes, the best way to learn is from real-life examples. Here are a few instances where quick-witted individuals turned the tables on scammers:

1. The Glitter Bomb: YouTuber Mark Rober created an elaborate glitter bomb package to catch porch pirates, complete with cameras and a fart spray. While not a text scam, it shows the creative lengths people will go to outsmart criminals.

2. The Shakespeare Sonnets: When a Redditor received a romance scam message, they responded with nothing but Shakespeare quotes, confusing and frustrating the scammer.

3. The Photoshop Master: A scammer asked for a photo of a person holding their ID. Instead of complying, the target sent a hilariously bad Photoshop of their face on various bodies, including Batman and a horse.

4. The Uno Reverse: When a scammer tried to get someone’s bank details, the target instead asked the scammer for their bank information, claiming they needed to verify the scammer’s identity first.

Conclusion

While scams are a serious issue, sometimes a little humor can be the best defense. By keeping your wits about you and responding with creativity and laughter, you not only protect yourself but also waste scammers’ time and potentially discourage them from targeting others.

The goal isn’t just to have fun (although that’s a great bonus), but to stay safe and spread awareness about these scams. Share your funny responses with friends and family, and always prioritize your security when dealing with unknown contacts.

So the next time a scammer slides into your texts, feel free to use one of these 100 funny responses – or come up with your own! Just remember to stay safe, never share personal information, and report any suspicious activity to the proper authorities.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

1. Is it safe to respond to scammer texts at all

While it can be tempting to engage, it’s generally safer to ignore and block suspicious numbers. If you do choose to respond, never share personal information and consider using a separate phone number or email address.

2. Can I get in trouble for messing with scammers?

As long as you’re not engaging in illegal activities yourself, you’re unlikely to get in trouble. However, be aware that some scammers may become aggressive if they realize you’re playing with them.

3. What should I do if a scammer becomes threatening

If a scammer becomes aggressive or threatening, stop all communication immediately. Block their number and report the incident to local law enforcement and the FTC.

4. How can I tell if a text message is a scam?

Look for red flags such as unsolicited contact, requests for personal information, urgent or threatening language, too-good-to-be-true offers, and poor grammar or spelling.

5. Are these responses guaranteed to work on all scammers?

While these responses are designed to confuse and deter scammers, there’s no guarantee they’ll work in every situation. Some persistent scammers may continue their attempts regardless of your responses.

6. Can I share my funny scammer interactions online?

Yes, sharing your experiences can help raise awareness. However, be sure to remove any personal information before posting, and consider the potential risks of public sharing.

7. What’s the best way to report a text message scam?

In the US, you can forward suspicious text messages to 7726 (SPAM). You can also file a complaint with the FTC at ftc.gov/complaint.

8. Can scammers hack my phone just by me responding to their text?

Simply responding to a text is unlikely to compromise your phone. However, clicking on links or downloading attachments from unknown sources can potentially lead to malware infections.

9. Is it ever okay to click on links in suspicious text messages?

It’s best to avoid clicking on any links in suspicious messages, even if you’re curious. These links could lead to phishing sites or download malware to your device.

10. How can I protect my elderly relatives from falling for text scams?

Let them know common scam tactics, encourage them to be skeptical of unsolicited messages, and set up regular check-ins to discuss any suspicious communications they receive.

You might also like to read: Who Is The Biggest Scammer In The World?